Sexual Tension and Self-Control

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Sexual Tension and Self-Control



Sexual Tension and Self-Control


God did not intend for the sex desire to be repressed  that is the reason for marriage (Gen 2:18-24; 3:16-19). Yet in single men and women who cannot find a spouse, sexual desire is not to be expressed to another human being outside of marriage. But how is this possible?


The natural bodily impulse is to soothe the part that hurts or is in need. When in sexual need the person himself can soothe his own bodily part. But apart from the marriage covenant, which makes the two one flesh, he cannot soothe anyone else or soothe himself with anyone else. Within this covenant, we are to give relief to the natural need (1 Cor 7:2-5) lest Satan tempt one to commit adultery or fornication or other indecent acts of lewdness and perversion. Outside of such a covenant, God permits the person himself to give relief to a sexual bodily part if he is apt to be tempted by Satan because of a lack of self-control  due to a sexual need. “... lest Satan tempt you to sin through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.” Paul said that if you have no gift it is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire. So to go to the relief or help of your bodily part is appropriate in cases of lack of self-control of sexual desire.


God has ordained that sexual release and fulfillment can be achieved to a degree by one's own sexual manipulation  without condemnation. Otherwise God would be a hard taskmaster without understanding of the strong desire He has put into men. Sexual desire for another human being is not irrepressible or irresistible, but sexual tension which mounts up is irresistible and must find expression, or the man will explode.



This expression is a gift of God so that a man will not violate another human being and break the covenant for the nations  the covenant of conscience (Rom 2:14- 15)  and be condemned at the judgment (verse 16). But this expression is not to be taken advantage of either. All must be done with the measure of self-control that all men are blessed with (1 Cor 10:13).


For a man to be qualified for the nations, in case he does express his sexuality to a woman he is not married to, he would have to take her for his lifelong partner in marriage  not just in the case of pregnancy as it has been in the past. Breaking the hymen apart from the marriage covenant is a very serious sin for a man because it violates another person made in God's image, so he is responsible for her for the rest of his natural life on the earth. Her desire shall be for him  as Gen 3:16-19 and he will work to provide a living for her and his children by the sweat of his brow. God is love  and this is love. This is salvation for the nations who do not know His Son.



Those who do practice self-stimulation to achieve release, both men and women, must practice self-control in their thoughts, imaginations, and fantasies. This is a responsibility for all mankind, since thoughts defile a person (sexual immorality in the “thought life”). This could be a snare in self-stimulation, since both men and women burn with sexual desire and are in need of satisfaction, or at least release. 1 Cor 7:1-2 indicates that this desire is equally divided between the man and the woman, and abstaining from sexual release is a great risk even in marriage (as in verses 5 and 9).


Today there is so much opportunity, for ungratified men especially, to wallow in impurity and immorality (in porno, movies, TV, etc.), so that Satan's temptation takes many forms of immorality not just exclusively the act of sex, per se. Thus selfstimulation to achieve climax is in order, as long as the thoughts are not dragged through the slime of fantasy.

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